Saturday, November 15, 2008
Ali & Lc
Friday, November 14, 2008 I had the opportunity to meet at the college for lunch, with my two good friends from high school. I still find it really crazy that we are all going to Red River at the same time. Plus all our fields are related to health care: Alicia is taking nursing, Leslie is taking x-ray technician and I am taking recreation facilitator for older adults. I had sent them both a text message earlier in the week when I noticed that we all would have lunch off at the same time. I was the sender, the channel was the text message and they both received it decoded. Through personal experience I have acknowledged texting as means have communication has positives and negatives. Some positives are; there quick when you don’t have time to talk on the phone, you can text more than one person at once and there are free. Some negatives are; they are often interpreted wrong and decrease oral communication significantly. Alicia decoded it in a different way than I intended it to be. She thought we were meeting from 12-1, when Leslie and I thought we were meeting 11-1. All in all, it was so nice to sit and catch up with them both. They both helped shape my self concept that I have today. They were part of my reference group in high school. Reference group is a group that we compare ourselves to influencing our self concept and self esteem. Having this time with them over lunch I see how they confirm who I am. My country roots go deep, as do there’s. We know so many of the same people from growing up in a small town together. Our families even enter twin. We are all athletes and share a love for active recreation. Now we all share the commonality of students at Red River College. Due to us all having such busy schedules, we have come up with a plan to get together every second week. Kind of like a set in stone date, usually on Thursdays. Before we decided this we weren’t seeing each other. I love those girls. They bring joy to my heart. I don’t want our friendships to shatter and fall to the floor because a part of me would do the same.
Friday, November 14, 2008
five stages
Thursday, November 13, 2008 my first class was at eight in the morning. My teacher spoke concerning palliative care, which is about death and dying. Even though it was an early morning I was more prepared for the topic than on Monday. He told us of the five stages of death and dying. He wrote them down on the board as a visual aide. So the channel would be the written words on the white board, as well him verbally telling us. Kubler Ross came up with the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I can totally relate this to when my father was first diagnosed with lung cancer on September 11, of 2006. Not only does the person with the terminal illness but the family and friends go through these five stages. I went through these stages. I recognized them in my father as well. I don’t see the denial stage as bad. Dad was doing so well when he was fighting. He had a chest tube in and we would walk up and down the halls for his exercise. One time he thought it would drain faster, if he would put him self in this push up feet in the air positions. His denial and anger stages over lapped; he was not willing to let the cancer take over him. Treatment was in full swing. We were believing and praying for healing.
I know Dad started getting extremely interested in nursing. He had shared it with me that he might want to study it through distance Ed. I think that is when his bargaining stage came into play. Ill contribute to society in the health care field as a nurse. I know I bargained with God. My channel was prayer, lord Ill be a better person, please save my dad. They tried everything for my Dad. The chemo and radiation had failed. Medication called Tarceva was keeping his cancer at bay. It wasn’t growing put it wasn’t shrinking. The cancer was all through out my Dad’s body, the pain was unspeakable. Looking at him, you just knew. He was on t3’s but often that wasn’t enough. Dad got very quite. His personality seemed dulled from many months of fighting this physical illness. When and if he wasn’t sleeping he would watch sports. I would call him and visit him. I would be persistent with communication with him. I would talk and talk, I knew he was interested, even if he didn’t say much. I brought him food. I would also give my Dad a shave. The physical contact he would really enjoy because hugs were painful. (To this day I really enjoy shaving men in my role as HCA.) I wanted to show him verbally and nonverbally that he was loved.
My father had begun to accept that he wouldn’t be healed. A side affect from cancer would take his life. I still prayed intently for my father. Lord heal him, take away his pain, don’t let him suffer. Deep down I know I had accepted it too. I wish I didn’t. If everyone that was praying, in there heart accepted he would not come out of it cancer free, how could he be healed? Through out class I kept thing about my dad in relation to these five stages. I really was planning to journal about other stuff also. But I guess this is what was heavy on my heart.
I can totally relate this to when my father was first diagnosed with lung cancer on September 11, of 2006. Not only does the person with the terminal illness but the family and friends go through these five stages. I went through these stages. I recognized them in my father as well. I don’t see the denial stage as bad. Dad was doing so well when he was fighting. He had a chest tube in and we would walk up and down the halls for his exercise. One time he thought it would drain faster, if he would put him self in this push up feet in the air positions. His denial and anger stages over lapped; he was not willing to let the cancer take over him. Treatment was in full swing. We were believing and praying for healing.
I know Dad started getting extremely interested in nursing. He had shared it with me that he might want to study it through distance Ed. I think that is when his bargaining stage came into play. Ill contribute to society in the health care field as a nurse. I know I bargained with God. My channel was prayer, lord Ill be a better person, please save my dad. They tried everything for my Dad. The chemo and radiation had failed. Medication called Tarceva was keeping his cancer at bay. It wasn’t growing put it wasn’t shrinking. The cancer was all through out my Dad’s body, the pain was unspeakable. Looking at him, you just knew. He was on t3’s but often that wasn’t enough. Dad got very quite. His personality seemed dulled from many months of fighting this physical illness. When and if he wasn’t sleeping he would watch sports. I would call him and visit him. I would be persistent with communication with him. I would talk and talk, I knew he was interested, even if he didn’t say much. I brought him food. I would also give my Dad a shave. The physical contact he would really enjoy because hugs were painful. (To this day I really enjoy shaving men in my role as HCA.) I wanted to show him verbally and nonverbally that he was loved.
My father had begun to accept that he wouldn’t be healed. A side affect from cancer would take his life. I still prayed intently for my father. Lord heal him, take away his pain, don’t let him suffer. Deep down I know I had accepted it too. I wish I didn’t. If everyone that was praying, in there heart accepted he would not come out of it cancer free, how could he be healed? Through out class I kept thing about my dad in relation to these five stages. I really was planning to journal about other stuff also. But I guess this is what was heavy on my heart.
sympathy vs. empathy
Wednesday, November 12, 2008 seemed to be like any other school day. We are wrapping up things in Introduction into Gerontology. On a positive note, our exam that was supposed to be this Friday, was moved to next Friday. That gives me so much more time to finish my review and study. I was planning on doing it tonight and if I was a good student I would start and complete it tonight. Since I am turning over a new leaf from my high schools ways, I believe it would be extremely beneficial to go with my original plan in finishing my review tonight. My class had a presenter from Manitoba Health come and tell us about Personal Health Information Act (PHIA). I’ve signed a PHIA card more than five times in my life time. She was really good at explaining PHIA, probably the best I have heard yet. In working for a number of different support companies and PCH`s, I understand the importance and need, for the use of PHIA and privacy laws.
During my hour break I got together with my group, to go through our project. We needed to meet, but normally I would be with my friend Julie. It feels like I haven’t seen much of her today.
My communication class went really well. My communication skills inventory paper score was between 45-57. That score is supposed to mean that I am dissatisfied with my communication behaviors nearly half the time. I don’t think I completely agree. I’m sure I didn’t answer or understand all the questions on the skills inventory test. I especially enjoyed our sympathy vs. empathy discussion or debate. I get a kick out of members of our class that get so passionate about how we are supposed to be either sympathetic or empathetic in our role as recreation facilitator. I believe that we are to be empathetic with our residence. I try to put myself in there shoes, not feel sorry for them. I think it is important as a class to listen to other peoples views. You don’t have to accept them as correct, you can’t change what people believe. So there is no need to argue in class. That is when I can’t help but laugh. Discussions are great and that is how people learn.
I just want to thank CMT for there distraction of the Country Music Awards (CMA’s). No I am only joking. I am going to finish my review.
During my hour break I got together with my group, to go through our project. We needed to meet, but normally I would be with my friend Julie. It feels like I haven’t seen much of her today.
My communication class went really well. My communication skills inventory paper score was between 45-57. That score is supposed to mean that I am dissatisfied with my communication behaviors nearly half the time. I don’t think I completely agree. I’m sure I didn’t answer or understand all the questions on the skills inventory test. I especially enjoyed our sympathy vs. empathy discussion or debate. I get a kick out of members of our class that get so passionate about how we are supposed to be either sympathetic or empathetic in our role as recreation facilitator. I believe that we are to be empathetic with our residence. I try to put myself in there shoes, not feel sorry for them. I think it is important as a class to listen to other peoples views. You don’t have to accept them as correct, you can’t change what people believe. So there is no need to argue in class. That is when I can’t help but laugh. Discussions are great and that is how people learn.
I just want to thank CMT for there distraction of the Country Music Awards (CMA’s). No I am only joking. I am going to finish my review.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Journaling - remembrance and meeting new people
On Tuesday, November 11, 2008 I could sleep in without alarm. It feels so freeing knowing that you won’t be woken up by loud noises interrupting your sleep. I’ve had a good healthy breakfast and watched some music videos on Country Music Television (CMT). I worked on my Introduction into Gerontology group project that is due on Thursday. I am in a group with Vanessa, Carla, Vernon and Jacqueline. Our topic is elder abuse in which we have made a power point for. Elder mistreatment just started gaining attention 30 years ago. It is an unfortunate problem that Canada is slowly making progress in. At eleven I had my moment of silence. November 11 brings allot of memories to my mind because my grandfather fought in the war. He fought in Africa, Italy and Great Britain. My grandma Jessie showed me his seven medals this morning. It just makes you extremely thankful for the country we have today. It brings feeling of pride knowing that someone from your family, contributed so much to the freedom of this great nation, Canada. My afternoon seemed very successful, due to my completion of my part, of my group project.
My friend was having a joint birthday party with his brother in the evening. I headed over to his place for supper. It was so nice to cook together and visit before we headed to the party. It has been awhile since we had some good quality time together. He filled me in on the new things going on in his life, it was so nice to catch up. The party went really well, I knew a few people there or I had met them once before. Mostly it was my friends Campus for Christ (CFC) group, its a interesting experience joining a group when they all know each other well and you know one person. Being able to make casual light conversation with people is a huge asset. I find that university students small talk always seem to a go certain way.
University student response, “Do you study here?”
My response, “Nope, Red River.”
University students response, “Oh great what are you taking?”
My response, “Recreation Facilitator for Seniors.”
University students response, “ So how many years will that take?”
My response, “Just eight months.”
University students response, “Oh, that’s great!”
Honestly, it seems like our small talk always is just like that. There identity is university and the development of their career. I just find it really interesting. I now see myself doing the same thing. I was able to drive my birthday boy’s friend home. I really enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her better. I have realized that I am pretty good in large groups, even when I know only a couple of people.
My friend was having a joint birthday party with his brother in the evening. I headed over to his place for supper. It was so nice to cook together and visit before we headed to the party. It has been awhile since we had some good quality time together. He filled me in on the new things going on in his life, it was so nice to catch up. The party went really well, I knew a few people there or I had met them once before. Mostly it was my friends Campus for Christ (CFC) group, its a interesting experience joining a group when they all know each other well and you know one person. Being able to make casual light conversation with people is a huge asset. I find that university students small talk always seem to a go certain way.
University student response, “Do you study here?”
My response, “Nope, Red River.”
University students response, “Oh great what are you taking?”
My response, “Recreation Facilitator for Seniors.”
University students response, “ So how many years will that take?”
My response, “Just eight months.”
University students response, “Oh, that’s great!”
Honestly, it seems like our small talk always is just like that. There identity is university and the development of their career. I just find it really interesting. I now see myself doing the same thing. I was able to drive my birthday boy’s friend home. I really enjoyed talking with her and getting to know her better. I have realized that I am pretty good in large groups, even when I know only a couple of people.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Journaling - Nov 10
Yesterday I started my Interpersonal Communication course. My teacher Mintie is getting us to journal a page double spaced monday to friday. So I've decided to blog my journal articles.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Monday, November 10, 2008 was not an easy day for me. Sunday was the one year anniversary of my fathers passing. On Monday at nine we were supposed to have a speaker coming from palliative care. My heart felt allot lighter when I found out that they weren’t coming any more. I have dealt with death and dying through being a health care aide (HCA) in a personal care home (PCH). I have also taken palliative care in the past for my HCA course. It is just the significance of the Sunday and the week to come. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, I knew it would be hard but I was not quite sure on how I would be affected. My boyfriend of nearly a year and his family were an incredible support. I have two sisters that I just spoke to on the phone on Sunday. My mom planned a wedding shower for my oldest sister on the afternoon of the ninth. I know my Dad would not have cared if I was at the wedding shower for my sister that was just something I didn’t want to do. I talked to both my sisters; Jenn and Viola on the phone which was nice.
Back to my morning of the 10th I was trying to listen to the speaker that did show up about elder abuse. I had other things clouding my mind; my father, exam and new course I was going to be starting. My introduction to Leisure exam went very well. I believe I will receive a very good mark. Starting my new class was not nearly as overwhelming as I thought it would be. I am excited for it now because it seems very interactive. I want to develop my communication skills. I understand the importance of clear communication and I am excited in the further knowledge I will gain about communication through this course. It is something so important in our role as recreation facilitators. When class was finished I was surprised that two hours gone by so fast. I live with my grandma so when I got home I visited with her. I ate, did a bit of homework in the evening and retired early for a good night sleep.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I don't appreciate it when you honk at me!
So I have myself a sweet Kuwahara bike that i have purchased. I really enjoy driving it to work. It takes me between 15-20min to get to there or back home. Depending on wind direction and traffic lights. City drivers are crazy though! They really make me angry at times. I always try and ride as far to the right as humanly possible without smashing my pedals against the curb, all of a sudden this SUV wiz's by me so close to my left that the wind like pulls me a bit and I can feel my heart in my stomach. I have talked to my friends and they hate cyclists on the road. And yes many cyclists give us bad reputations. I just shake my head though. Winnipeg would be the perfect city for commuting. WOULD be if we had some better routes for bikers. Yes it's almost suicide going down Pembina but I hate riding on the sidewalk. For one thing its against the law, second its terribly annoying for pedestrians and third it slows the commuting process down. I know the bike routes are in the works (meaning they should be done in like 10 years). There going to cost allot to implement but they should have been done years ago. I'm just a planet friendly cyclist trying to get some exercise biking to work. I stay behind vehicles at red lights and I am getting better at using my hand signals all the time. (i'm from the country it seems strange signaling on a bike, but ill get over it.) I don't appreciate when you honk at me and flip me the bird when i am in the left lane. I am just trying to make a left turn. So If you see a cyclist you don't have to go into a completely different lane unless you want to. I always think when i have a near to death moment on my bike Im some ones girlfriend, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and friend just give me enough room to ride safe.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Soul Cravings Part II - Destiny
A couple posts back I shared some lines that moved me from a book called Soul Cravings. Here are some lines, quotes, passages (whatever you would like to call it) from the chapter 2 that really spoke to me.
We humans are most alive when we passionately pursue our dreams, live with purpose, and have a sense of destiny.
Bottom line: we cannot live the life of our dreams without an irrational sense of destily.
And all of us have dreams.
More than that all of us need dreams.
Some of us sadly are just sleeping through them.
All of us long to become something more than we are. We are driven to achieve, moved to accomplish, fueled by ambition.
I was born to run.
All of us long for our lives to count in some way. We all have an internal need to achieve some kind of success or to somehow find significance. Pursuing the future we desire energizes and inspires us.
Every one of us longs to create even when we don't know exactly what. All of us, at the very least, want to create a better life, a better future, a better us.
A part of growing up seems to be acquiescing to mediocrity. It's death to our souls. When we stop dreaming, we start dying.
It is amazing how much we can endure when we are convinced there is a purpose to our struggle.
There is a destiny that awaits us all. It calls us, and if we ignore it, we are soon haunted by it.
The butterfly effect proposes that small and apparently insignificant incidents can set in motion a chain of events with far-reaching consequences. The bumblebee effect describes how great and apparently impossible dreams can set in motion a chain of events resulting in a seemingly insignificant person living an extraordinary life. We are more capable than we think.
Bumblebees are a great reminder that we should never underestimate potential.
Without dreams we have nothing to pull us forward.
Not only is ambition a good thing; it's a God thing.
*God calls us out of the life we have known and calls us to a life we have never imagined.*
When there is no future there is no HOPE.
The maddening reality is that each and every one of us has been created with a soul craving to become-- to become something-- something better, something different, something special, something unique, something admired, something valued, something more than we are.
Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
As soon as we become fully aware of life, we become fully aware of death.
"It's All About the Dash."
You will see different dates of birth and times of death, but they all have one thing in common -- the dash in between the two.
The dash represents the totality of our lives. We are all born with a terminal condition.
It's called being human.
What is fascinating about the human spirit is that we can live with a conscious awareness of death and not be paralyzed. In fact, it can actually inspire us to live a life of passionate urgency.
Is it possible the reason we find God in our deepest despair is that this is when we are most listening?
It is in the worst situations that we are able to discover the best in us. It is also in these moments that we able to see more clearly what is true and what is real and what it means most fully to be human.
The Hebrew imagery is that we were created out of the breath of God. We are the product of a divine kiss.
When we live genuinely human live, we become translucent reflections of divinity.
Strength is unleashed within us when we are convinced our lives have a purpose yet to be fulfilled.
Only God can take you where you were born to go. There are a lot of roads you can choose, but one path chooses you.
The more proactive you become in pursuing your destiny, the more responsibility you will take for your life. When you choose to become, you become an enemy of the status quo. To become is to change and to bring change.
When we connect to God, we begin to care more deeply about the world around us.
... your soul is never satisfied with the life you have.
If Jesus was nothing else, he was an activist for change.
No one must remain a prisoner of fate.
Why have we come to value a sea turtle's egg more than a human fetus?
You are given one life, and it translates into eternity.
Jesus - he was a nonconformist; He was anti-institutional; He surrounded himself with outcasts; We was everything except what they expected. Jesus life was a model of uniqueness, and his movement was nothing less than that.
God, his value would not be uniformity, but uniqueness. Imprinted on your soul is the fingerprint of God.
You were made to GROW, to dream, to achieve. Your soul is letting you know you come from God and your life is intended to be God-sized and God-inspired.
Let him change you at your core, then let your passions fuel your life.
...genuine spirituality results in the passionate pursuit of life.
Metamorphosis- A change that literally moves us from crawling to flying.
...the process strengthens our wings and prepares us for flight.
It's in the struggle, in the process, even in the search for God, that he is making you strong enough to take flight.
Fear can hold you prisoner and hope can set you free.
Our ability to endure, to persevere, to overcome is fueled by this one seemingly innocuous ingredient called hope.
Everything that drives us,
every effort to succeed,
every attempt to be significant,
every moment we pursue a dream,
advance a cause,
or work to make the world better in any way
is an act of HOPE.
Where There is Hope, There is Life.
Soul Cravings by Erwin Raphael McManus
Lord this is my prayer. Oh my heavenly father God-size me! God-inspire me! Thank you for giving me this thought provoking book. Help me not underestimate my potential. I know I have a purpose. Never let me stop dreaming. Fill my life with hope. Thank you for the inspiration you have put in my life. I do not want to be stagnant any longer. Don't let fear and self doubt hold me prisoner any longer. Amen
We humans are most alive when we passionately pursue our dreams, live with purpose, and have a sense of destiny.
Bottom line: we cannot live the life of our dreams without an irrational sense of destily.
And all of us have dreams.
More than that all of us need dreams.
Some of us sadly are just sleeping through them.
All of us long to become something more than we are. We are driven to achieve, moved to accomplish, fueled by ambition.
I was born to run.
All of us long for our lives to count in some way. We all have an internal need to achieve some kind of success or to somehow find significance. Pursuing the future we desire energizes and inspires us.
Every one of us longs to create even when we don't know exactly what. All of us, at the very least, want to create a better life, a better future, a better us.
A part of growing up seems to be acquiescing to mediocrity. It's death to our souls. When we stop dreaming, we start dying.
It is amazing how much we can endure when we are convinced there is a purpose to our struggle.
There is a destiny that awaits us all. It calls us, and if we ignore it, we are soon haunted by it.
The butterfly effect proposes that small and apparently insignificant incidents can set in motion a chain of events with far-reaching consequences. The bumblebee effect describes how great and apparently impossible dreams can set in motion a chain of events resulting in a seemingly insignificant person living an extraordinary life. We are more capable than we think.
Bumblebees are a great reminder that we should never underestimate potential.
Without dreams we have nothing to pull us forward.
Not only is ambition a good thing; it's a God thing.
*God calls us out of the life we have known and calls us to a life we have never imagined.*
When there is no future there is no HOPE.
The maddening reality is that each and every one of us has been created with a soul craving to become-- to become something-- something better, something different, something special, something unique, something admired, something valued, something more than we are.
Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
As soon as we become fully aware of life, we become fully aware of death.
"It's All About the Dash."
You will see different dates of birth and times of death, but they all have one thing in common -- the dash in between the two.
The dash represents the totality of our lives. We are all born with a terminal condition.
It's called being human.
What is fascinating about the human spirit is that we can live with a conscious awareness of death and not be paralyzed. In fact, it can actually inspire us to live a life of passionate urgency.
Is it possible the reason we find God in our deepest despair is that this is when we are most listening?
It is in the worst situations that we are able to discover the best in us. It is also in these moments that we able to see more clearly what is true and what is real and what it means most fully to be human.
The Hebrew imagery is that we were created out of the breath of God. We are the product of a divine kiss.
When we live genuinely human live, we become translucent reflections of divinity.
Strength is unleashed within us when we are convinced our lives have a purpose yet to be fulfilled.
Only God can take you where you were born to go. There are a lot of roads you can choose, but one path chooses you.
The more proactive you become in pursuing your destiny, the more responsibility you will take for your life. When you choose to become, you become an enemy of the status quo. To become is to change and to bring change.
When we connect to God, we begin to care more deeply about the world around us.
... your soul is never satisfied with the life you have.
If Jesus was nothing else, he was an activist for change.
No one must remain a prisoner of fate.
Why have we come to value a sea turtle's egg more than a human fetus?
You are given one life, and it translates into eternity.
Jesus - he was a nonconformist; He was anti-institutional; He surrounded himself with outcasts; We was everything except what they expected. Jesus life was a model of uniqueness, and his movement was nothing less than that.
God, his value would not be uniformity, but uniqueness. Imprinted on your soul is the fingerprint of God.
You were made to GROW, to dream, to achieve. Your soul is letting you know you come from God and your life is intended to be God-sized and God-inspired.
Let him change you at your core, then let your passions fuel your life.
...genuine spirituality results in the passionate pursuit of life.
Metamorphosis- A change that literally moves us from crawling to flying.
...the process strengthens our wings and prepares us for flight.
It's in the struggle, in the process, even in the search for God, that he is making you strong enough to take flight.
Fear can hold you prisoner and hope can set you free.
Our ability to endure, to persevere, to overcome is fueled by this one seemingly innocuous ingredient called hope.
Everything that drives us,
every effort to succeed,
every attempt to be significant,
every moment we pursue a dream,
advance a cause,
or work to make the world better in any way
is an act of HOPE.
Where There is Hope, There is Life.
Soul Cravings by Erwin Raphael McManus
~
Lord this is my prayer. Oh my heavenly father God-size me! God-inspire me! Thank you for giving me this thought provoking book. Help me not underestimate my potential. I know I have a purpose. Never let me stop dreaming. Fill my life with hope. Thank you for the inspiration you have put in my life. I do not want to be stagnant any longer. Don't let fear and self doubt hold me prisoner any longer. Amen
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